I haven't blogged in SO long! But today something happened to me that I really must share!
I got up at 5:00 a.m. this morning with hopes of reading the Bible, praying, and then jogging - all before having to get the whole family ready for church. Well, I kept reading and praying as I waited for the sun to come up, because I wanted to drive to the park and jog. But kept getting later and later - and it was still dark. The thought of jogging in the dark was - quite frankly - a little scary! So I began praying about my plans...asking God if I should go jog or just stay home. He answered me so clearly in Scripture, I knew for sure He wanted to go! It was a verse in Song of Solomon in which the Lover tells His Beloved to get up and come with Him! Now, looking back, I am so very glad I did!
As I drove to the park, I noted just how dark it was. I wondered again if this was even a good idea. What if I got hurt? What if somebody attacks me? Who would be around to help me?..etc... For a moment I thought about how nice it would be if a policeman might just HAPPEN to be there so he could watch out for me. I then considered praying and asking God if He'd send a policeman. But it seemed like too much to ask, so I just dismissed the whole silly notion.
Well, I got there around 5:50, and just as you might imagine, nobody was there. It was still very dark. There were some lights on, but some were burned out. I started jogging in the dark. About 15 minutes later I was startled to look up and find that there was somebody else on the track! There was just enough light for me to see what appeared to be an older man, and he was walking. I kept jogging - and as I passed him, I looked over at him to see if it might be somebody I knew (and if he looked like a "bad guy" or not!). Well, guess who it was?! It was a policeman! He used to be our chief of police here in Springville! As soon as I saw his face, I knew what God had done! I began to laugh and smile and run like the wind! I ended up running two full miles - without a break (not my usual routine), and I don't remember even one time hearing my usual heavy breathing or racing heart!!!
See, God has been teaching me some new lessons on prayer. One of my recent lessons has been that there are some things we won't receive unless we ASK. And on my way to the park, I did NOT ask. My reasoning was that it was "too much to ask." Now I have the stark awareness that there is no such thing as "too much to ask" with our Almighty God! I also have a better understanding of what He means in Ephesians 3:20-21 when He reminds us that He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ASK or IMAGINE!! See, I'd IMAGINED it, but didn't go through with asking. Yet, He did it! And He didn't just send a policeman - He did more than that. He send the CHIEF!
The chief was only there for one short lap, and then he was gone...just as mysteriously as he'd appeared - Just long enough for God to make His point. The rest of the time I just trusted that whether or not God sent me a policeman, He knows my thoughts and hears my prayers. He Himself is with me to take care of my needs. Nothing is too much to ask...
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Fire: Part 2
After a day or so with our very gracious neighbors, the insurance company placed all of us in a temporary, furnished apartment until they could find us a more permanent place to stay. It was kind of comforting to me that we were all together in that little place. It just felt safe a secure with 3 other adults there with me and the 3 children. We put a little portable crib in our room for Tyler, and attempted to get some sleep. At some point in the night, however, I woke up to the smell of smoke! I immediately jumped up with the intentions of saving my baby, and when I looked toward his bed, I saw flames...it looked like the curtains were on fire! I woke Chris up in a panic - only to discover there were no flames...not even any smoke! I was so confused! Had I dreamed it? Imagined it? For the next couple of nights, I continued to wake up to the smell of smoke. I would wake up Chris and ask, "Do you smell smoke?" He'd respond (usually with patience...but not always), "No, Tina. There's no smoke. Go back to sleep."
Well, eventually Monday came - and all the other adults had to go back to work. Tyler and I were alone for the very first time since the fire. Suddenly I was overcome with fear - but not just normal fear - this was irrational fear. See, over the weekend we learned that somebody had set the house on fire ON PURPOSE! They'd even used certain chemicals to cause the fire to burn hotter and faster. There were several cars in the driveway that night. It was obvious that there were people inside. It seemed obvious that whoever started that fire had done so with the intentions of killing us. That thought was suddenly consuming me! All I could think about was that if somebody had tried to kill us - and had not succeeded, then they were probably STILL trying to kill us. So, my first thought was that I should leave and go to a public place. That even became a problem, though, because there was a closet near the front door. I was convinced that there was somebody hiding in that closet just waiting to take my life. I was afraid to walk by that closet to get out of the apartment! I finally ran past it in tears and made it to my car. Once inside my car, a new fear siezed me. I wondered if "they" had wired my car with explosives - "What if it explodes when I start it?" I felt paralyzed! I was beginning to recognize just how irrational I was being, yet at the same time unable to overcome the fear. This type of fear continued in my life for weeks on end. Every night I smelled smoke...again and again. I have to admit now, that I had neither prayed nor read the Bible since the fire. This was not normal for me. Honestly, I had lost my Bible in the fire. But the real reason was I didn't want to face God. Strangely, I'd been telling people how He'd saved our lives and about all the miracles we'd seen. Yet, I was afraid to draw near to Him. It's no coincidence that a dear friend gave me a Bible and a devotion book. I didn't open that Bible for days...but I thought the devotional would be a little "safer." I mean, it was a couples devotional. It was about marriage...not crazy fears! So, I opened it to whatever page had that day's date on it - and the Bible verse for that day was Psalm 27:1, which says, "The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?" I was so shocked that God was speaking to me so directly that I was startled and immediately slammed the book shut and dropped it! Well, several days passed before I got up the nerve to open that book again. So, just like the last time I opened it to the page with that day's date on it. This time the verse at the top of the page was 2 Timothy 1:7, which says, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, of power, and of a sound mind." My reaction was the same - I slammed it shut and dropped it! Finally, may days later I tried a third time. This time the verse simply said, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). This time God's Word pierced my heart! Why had I been doubting HIM? He is GOD! And after all He'd done to prove His power and strength to me, I was still afraid...still doubting Him...still not trusting Him. Suddenly I came to my senses! Oh the freedom and peace that came from surrendering my fears to Him. I slept much better from then on! God's Word is that powerful! God used it to deliver me from my overwhelming fears. The next Sunday we went to church and we sang Amazing Grace. That's always been a special song to me - but this time the lyrics seemed even more beautiful.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I am found, was blind, but now I see.
Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved,
Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.
Well, eventually Monday came - and all the other adults had to go back to work. Tyler and I were alone for the very first time since the fire. Suddenly I was overcome with fear - but not just normal fear - this was irrational fear. See, over the weekend we learned that somebody had set the house on fire ON PURPOSE! They'd even used certain chemicals to cause the fire to burn hotter and faster. There were several cars in the driveway that night. It was obvious that there were people inside. It seemed obvious that whoever started that fire had done so with the intentions of killing us. That thought was suddenly consuming me! All I could think about was that if somebody had tried to kill us - and had not succeeded, then they were probably STILL trying to kill us. So, my first thought was that I should leave and go to a public place. That even became a problem, though, because there was a closet near the front door. I was convinced that there was somebody hiding in that closet just waiting to take my life. I was afraid to walk by that closet to get out of the apartment! I finally ran past it in tears and made it to my car. Once inside my car, a new fear siezed me. I wondered if "they" had wired my car with explosives - "What if it explodes when I start it?" I felt paralyzed! I was beginning to recognize just how irrational I was being, yet at the same time unable to overcome the fear. This type of fear continued in my life for weeks on end. Every night I smelled smoke...again and again. I have to admit now, that I had neither prayed nor read the Bible since the fire. This was not normal for me. Honestly, I had lost my Bible in the fire. But the real reason was I didn't want to face God. Strangely, I'd been telling people how He'd saved our lives and about all the miracles we'd seen. Yet, I was afraid to draw near to Him. It's no coincidence that a dear friend gave me a Bible and a devotion book. I didn't open that Bible for days...but I thought the devotional would be a little "safer." I mean, it was a couples devotional. It was about marriage...not crazy fears! So, I opened it to whatever page had that day's date on it - and the Bible verse for that day was Psalm 27:1, which says, "The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?" I was so shocked that God was speaking to me so directly that I was startled and immediately slammed the book shut and dropped it! Well, several days passed before I got up the nerve to open that book again. So, just like the last time I opened it to the page with that day's date on it. This time the verse at the top of the page was 2 Timothy 1:7, which says, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, of power, and of a sound mind." My reaction was the same - I slammed it shut and dropped it! Finally, may days later I tried a third time. This time the verse simply said, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). This time God's Word pierced my heart! Why had I been doubting HIM? He is GOD! And after all He'd done to prove His power and strength to me, I was still afraid...still doubting Him...still not trusting Him. Suddenly I came to my senses! Oh the freedom and peace that came from surrendering my fears to Him. I slept much better from then on! God's Word is that powerful! God used it to deliver me from my overwhelming fears. The next Sunday we went to church and we sang Amazing Grace. That's always been a special song to me - but this time the lyrics seemed even more beautiful.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I am found, was blind, but now I see.
Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved,
Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Our House Fire: Part One
About 10 years ago my family had a house fire. It was an experience that truly changed my life, because although I already loved God very much – I’d failed to realize just how powerful He really is! He certainly allowed us to witness His power and love through that fire.
We were staying with my father-in-law at the time. We’d only been there two weeks. But he let us move in with him while we were building our house. So all of his belongings AND all of our belongings were in that house. My father-in-law happens to be a “workaholic”-type and has always worked from 5 a.m. until about 6 or 7 p.m. This particular week, however, he was on the midnight shift. As if that weren’t unusual enough, when we went to bed at about 10:30 that night, he couldn’t decide whether or not he was going to go work. We asked him why he was thinking about staying home, and he didn’t really have a reason…he was thinking about SKIPPING work…this workaholic man was considering skipping work! Little did we know, God was working out His perfect plan to save our lives. Sure enough, Mike did call in instead of going to work. At about midnight, as he was getting into bed he noticed what appeared to be flashing lights outside of his bedroom window. He thought perhaps the neighbors had called an ambulance for some reason, so he went to look outside. That’s when he realized that there was no ambulance – instead the front of his house (all wood) was on fire! So, he immediately threw his pants on, woke us up, and told us to get out of the house. Had he not been there and discovered that fire at that very moment, we would not have lived. We had to go down the stairs and then out the back door, because the front of the house was in full flames. I was the last person to step across the threshold of that back door – and up until then, the fire/flames remained on the outside of the house. But as soon as my feet were through that back door, that wall of flames came crashing through the windows and immediately began spreading throughout the house. Within a couple of minutes, we stood back and watched as flames literally BELLOWED out of our little baby boy’s bedroom window. We already could see that God had kept my father-in-law home that night and allowed him to discover the fire at just the right moment…so He could save ours lives and show us His power. But this was only the beginning.
The neighbor family asked us to come inside. See, my sister-in-law and I were outside in the cold air in nothing but a t-shirt! I remember that the wife told us she’d go to her room and try to find some clothes for us. Well, my sister-in-law was about a size 1 and I was about a 10 or 12. So, I remember thinking, “She might have clothes to fit ONE of us…but there’s NO way this lady’s going to find something for BOTH of us…” Well, she DID! Then they began to tell us that they had shoes to fit all of us…(4 adults and 3 children). Guess why? For many years their family had owned a shoe store, but shortly before that night, they’d gone out of business. So, God provided shoes for all of us IMMEDIATELY! My sister-in-law had some friends who came to get her and her children, but we had nowhere to go and nobody to even call for help. We were homeless and helpless really. So, the neighbor family asked us to stay with them for the rest of the night. (Keep in mind, the fire fighters were still working on getting the fire under control just across the road.) I remember thinking that these people were considerably older…like in their 60’s probably. So, I figured there was no way they’d have a baby bed for my son to sleep in or anything like that. Well, boy was I wrong AGAIN! It turned out that one of their adult children had a “surprise” pregnancy and the baby had been born just 3 months ago! So, these proud grandparents were so excited, that they turned one of their bedrooms into the most beautiful nursery you’ve ever seen! They offered to let our baby sleep in there! Then, as a mommy, I started thinking about all the things my baby needed and wondering how on earth I would ever be able to provide for him. I mean, a 3-month old baby doesn’t wear the same size diapers as an 11-month old – not the same clothes – and what about high chairs…all these questions in my mind! Well, just a couple days before our fire, the grandmother had gone into the attic and got out her old high chair and cleaned it up…even though she knew they wouldn’t need it for a few more months!! Can you believe that! God did that! Then, we discovered that she also had diapers and clothes that fit our baby too!!! I really couldn’t believe how God was providing for us – and so QUICKLY and so specifically! It was truly a miracle to me. At about 5 a.m. the firemen had left and the house was almost completely destroyed. The garage was the only thing still in tact really. My husband and I laid in bed trying to sleep. Then I realized something. I remembered that had read a verse in the Bible together and prayed before going to sleep. It was about Moses and the Israelites. They spent 40 years in the desert. But provided them with everything they needed. The verse actually pointed out that God did not allow their SHOES or CLOTHES to wear out for that whole 40 years! When we read that, we were both in awe that God could do something like that. But now, we realized, God had just done the same thing for us. Two hours later, we got up. And in the course of those two short hours, all the neighbors had gotten together and brought us bag after bag of “stuff.” They’d thought of everything we could possibly need. Some of it was brand new – some was used. But these people were total strangers to us, and they got up out of bed and went shopping or went through their own belongings and gave it to us instead of sleeping. I was so overwhelmed by their kindness and generosity! Well, I eventually got to shower. They’d given me so much stuff…I had clothes, make-up, hairbrushes and a hairdryer, etc. You name it, I had it…except ONE thing…a BRA! J Well, because I was a little embarrassed about walking around all those people with no bra on, I lingered in the bathroom a while…until I realized I was just going to have to swallow my pride and go out there anyhow. Well, I took no more than 10 steps outside that bathroom when a woman came up to me with a huge basket of clothes in her arms and she said, “Tina, here are some more clothes. There are pants, shirts, all kinds of stuff. Oh! And there’s also a bra!” I couldn’t believe it! But if you’re anything like me, when I go to the store to buy a bra it takes FOREVER to find on that fits right. So, I was skeptical…again. As you might have guessed, though, it fit perfectly! I couldn’t believe God even CARED about that…about something so small! I realized then what people mean when they say God is “sovereign.” It means He is all powerful – not just over the HUGE things in life (like saving your life from a fire, just in the nick of time), but also in the very tiniest little details too!
Well, eventually there came a time later that day when my husband (again the orders of the firemen) went into the house (what was left of it) to see if there was anything that could be salvaged. The firemen had asked us if there was anything of value the night before. They were going to look for it if so. Well, I had a jewelry box in our bedroom. Now, I didn’t have anything of real monetary value, but I had a couple of rings my grandmother had given me that meant a lot to me. So, the firemen had looked – but couldn’t find it. Then the next day, my husband looked twice and couldn’t find it. Just before going in for the last time, he told me that if he didn’t find it this time, I’d just have to accept that it was gone. He was in there quite a while. When he came out, he did not have my jewelry box. But he did have something else with him. It was a big moving box. You won’t believe the story behind that box. See, all of our living room furniture had been in a bedroom in the house so we wouldn’t have to put it in storage. Well, Chris (my husband) went in that room. He found that all the furniture had burned up completely – including the TV and computer. But on the floor in the middle of the room was a backpack with all of our important paper work necessary for building our house. If it had burned up, we couldn’t have built our house! But it DID NOT burn! Then Chris looked around and found that big moving box. Inside that box was all of our family photos and all of the candles from our wedding! Those candles weren’t even MELTED and the pictures did not burn! We all know paper burns…but God saved these things for us! He taught me a huge lesson through that. I realized that THINGS are not my real treasure. God is my greatest treasure – and my family is also my treasure. He’d saved my real treasure.
Something else that had a profound affect on me was the realization that I could have died! But that for some reason God had saved my life! Then I realized He wasn’t finished with me yet, you know? I realized that He still had a purpose for my life! That gave me so much hope and such a sense of purpose! I determined to serve Him for the rest of my life.
We were staying with my father-in-law at the time. We’d only been there two weeks. But he let us move in with him while we were building our house. So all of his belongings AND all of our belongings were in that house. My father-in-law happens to be a “workaholic”-type and has always worked from 5 a.m. until about 6 or 7 p.m. This particular week, however, he was on the midnight shift. As if that weren’t unusual enough, when we went to bed at about 10:30 that night, he couldn’t decide whether or not he was going to go work. We asked him why he was thinking about staying home, and he didn’t really have a reason…he was thinking about SKIPPING work…this workaholic man was considering skipping work! Little did we know, God was working out His perfect plan to save our lives. Sure enough, Mike did call in instead of going to work. At about midnight, as he was getting into bed he noticed what appeared to be flashing lights outside of his bedroom window. He thought perhaps the neighbors had called an ambulance for some reason, so he went to look outside. That’s when he realized that there was no ambulance – instead the front of his house (all wood) was on fire! So, he immediately threw his pants on, woke us up, and told us to get out of the house. Had he not been there and discovered that fire at that very moment, we would not have lived. We had to go down the stairs and then out the back door, because the front of the house was in full flames. I was the last person to step across the threshold of that back door – and up until then, the fire/flames remained on the outside of the house. But as soon as my feet were through that back door, that wall of flames came crashing through the windows and immediately began spreading throughout the house. Within a couple of minutes, we stood back and watched as flames literally BELLOWED out of our little baby boy’s bedroom window. We already could see that God had kept my father-in-law home that night and allowed him to discover the fire at just the right moment…so He could save ours lives and show us His power. But this was only the beginning.
The neighbor family asked us to come inside. See, my sister-in-law and I were outside in the cold air in nothing but a t-shirt! I remember that the wife told us she’d go to her room and try to find some clothes for us. Well, my sister-in-law was about a size 1 and I was about a 10 or 12. So, I remember thinking, “She might have clothes to fit ONE of us…but there’s NO way this lady’s going to find something for BOTH of us…” Well, she DID! Then they began to tell us that they had shoes to fit all of us…(4 adults and 3 children). Guess why? For many years their family had owned a shoe store, but shortly before that night, they’d gone out of business. So, God provided shoes for all of us IMMEDIATELY! My sister-in-law had some friends who came to get her and her children, but we had nowhere to go and nobody to even call for help. We were homeless and helpless really. So, the neighbor family asked us to stay with them for the rest of the night. (Keep in mind, the fire fighters were still working on getting the fire under control just across the road.) I remember thinking that these people were considerably older…like in their 60’s probably. So, I figured there was no way they’d have a baby bed for my son to sleep in or anything like that. Well, boy was I wrong AGAIN! It turned out that one of their adult children had a “surprise” pregnancy and the baby had been born just 3 months ago! So, these proud grandparents were so excited, that they turned one of their bedrooms into the most beautiful nursery you’ve ever seen! They offered to let our baby sleep in there! Then, as a mommy, I started thinking about all the things my baby needed and wondering how on earth I would ever be able to provide for him. I mean, a 3-month old baby doesn’t wear the same size diapers as an 11-month old – not the same clothes – and what about high chairs…all these questions in my mind! Well, just a couple days before our fire, the grandmother had gone into the attic and got out her old high chair and cleaned it up…even though she knew they wouldn’t need it for a few more months!! Can you believe that! God did that! Then, we discovered that she also had diapers and clothes that fit our baby too!!! I really couldn’t believe how God was providing for us – and so QUICKLY and so specifically! It was truly a miracle to me. At about 5 a.m. the firemen had left and the house was almost completely destroyed. The garage was the only thing still in tact really. My husband and I laid in bed trying to sleep. Then I realized something. I remembered that had read a verse in the Bible together and prayed before going to sleep. It was about Moses and the Israelites. They spent 40 years in the desert. But provided them with everything they needed. The verse actually pointed out that God did not allow their SHOES or CLOTHES to wear out for that whole 40 years! When we read that, we were both in awe that God could do something like that. But now, we realized, God had just done the same thing for us. Two hours later, we got up. And in the course of those two short hours, all the neighbors had gotten together and brought us bag after bag of “stuff.” They’d thought of everything we could possibly need. Some of it was brand new – some was used. But these people were total strangers to us, and they got up out of bed and went shopping or went through their own belongings and gave it to us instead of sleeping. I was so overwhelmed by their kindness and generosity! Well, I eventually got to shower. They’d given me so much stuff…I had clothes, make-up, hairbrushes and a hairdryer, etc. You name it, I had it…except ONE thing…a BRA! J Well, because I was a little embarrassed about walking around all those people with no bra on, I lingered in the bathroom a while…until I realized I was just going to have to swallow my pride and go out there anyhow. Well, I took no more than 10 steps outside that bathroom when a woman came up to me with a huge basket of clothes in her arms and she said, “Tina, here are some more clothes. There are pants, shirts, all kinds of stuff. Oh! And there’s also a bra!” I couldn’t believe it! But if you’re anything like me, when I go to the store to buy a bra it takes FOREVER to find on that fits right. So, I was skeptical…again. As you might have guessed, though, it fit perfectly! I couldn’t believe God even CARED about that…about something so small! I realized then what people mean when they say God is “sovereign.” It means He is all powerful – not just over the HUGE things in life (like saving your life from a fire, just in the nick of time), but also in the very tiniest little details too!
Well, eventually there came a time later that day when my husband (again the orders of the firemen) went into the house (what was left of it) to see if there was anything that could be salvaged. The firemen had asked us if there was anything of value the night before. They were going to look for it if so. Well, I had a jewelry box in our bedroom. Now, I didn’t have anything of real monetary value, but I had a couple of rings my grandmother had given me that meant a lot to me. So, the firemen had looked – but couldn’t find it. Then the next day, my husband looked twice and couldn’t find it. Just before going in for the last time, he told me that if he didn’t find it this time, I’d just have to accept that it was gone. He was in there quite a while. When he came out, he did not have my jewelry box. But he did have something else with him. It was a big moving box. You won’t believe the story behind that box. See, all of our living room furniture had been in a bedroom in the house so we wouldn’t have to put it in storage. Well, Chris (my husband) went in that room. He found that all the furniture had burned up completely – including the TV and computer. But on the floor in the middle of the room was a backpack with all of our important paper work necessary for building our house. If it had burned up, we couldn’t have built our house! But it DID NOT burn! Then Chris looked around and found that big moving box. Inside that box was all of our family photos and all of the candles from our wedding! Those candles weren’t even MELTED and the pictures did not burn! We all know paper burns…but God saved these things for us! He taught me a huge lesson through that. I realized that THINGS are not my real treasure. God is my greatest treasure – and my family is also my treasure. He’d saved my real treasure.
Something else that had a profound affect on me was the realization that I could have died! But that for some reason God had saved my life! Then I realized He wasn’t finished with me yet, you know? I realized that He still had a purpose for my life! That gave me so much hope and such a sense of purpose! I determined to serve Him for the rest of my life.
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